Four Paragraphs why RxBars are like Wine (and what it means for their business)

The bar that looks like it ran here four (human) blocks to meet you (a much longer distance for a bar the size of an iPhone)

RxBars better be careful, because the second someone comes out with a better tasting bar that uses egg white protein technology, they’re DONE. Sure, their iconic minimalist packaging adds something too, and it’s not a given that this OTHER hypothetical hidey-egg-bar will also have appealing packaging, but you’d imagine a bar that didn’t taste quite… that certain way RxBars do… would garner some repeat customers! And technically it’s more of a textural disaster that overshadows its adequate taste, but we’ll use them interchangeably for the remainder of the discussion…

RxBars are like wine in that you buy them for a certain reason. They’re convenient, they’re unprocessed, they’re healthy, you identify with the flavors. For wine, I think it’s fair to say most people buy it to get drunk (on a spectrum of buzzed to… disordered behavior). The taste is absolutely secondary. DO 👏 NOT 👏 ARGUE WITH ME 👏. Taste is not why you bought the RxBars or the wine. You also had the choice at the store to buy ice cream, chips and cookies, but instead you bought these SUBSTANCES. For the reasons listed.

To clarify, they do taste good to a certain degree, mostly because you know what to expect and view it in the context of tasting good “for what it is.” But part of you is always bracing yourself, because you know there’s a certain astringency, in the case of wine, and the slick, dense, stick-to-your-teethedness of an RxBar, that simply can’t be avoided. What is that glistening layer that coats each impenetrable nutrient brick? You don’t know, and you sure as heck don’t LIKE it, but you keep buying them because the positives outweigh the negatives. Which is perfectly valid! I buy and consume both wine and RxBars on a regular basis, and I would say I like both things despite their shortcomings. Wine with a meal is spectacular! An RxBar as a meal—there are way worse things!

The bar has made my finger wet and shiny, like I said earlier.

So that’s why RxBars better start working on a “better tasting” formula now (again, better texture, really), because their spot at the top is very precarious. In the wine/beer market, spiked seltzer is thriving because it came up with a way to avoid that “alcohol” bite while still meeting the main goal of the wine/beer purchaser: to get drunk. That’s market share, Rx. Market share that gets snatched from the big guys *like that*! This is not a threat to you from ME, RxBars; my hypothetical foray into food business certainly wouldn’t be protein bars, and in fact I’m doing you a great service by issuing you this WARNING. Some health weirdo out there is probably working on it at this very moment, and you’ll be dethroned. I rightfully predicted churros would be a thing, so you best respect the oracle! Thank you. If your SEO team finds this, they can send me a free box of product, that would be fine. Coconut chocolate, as pictured. Also the vanilla almond butter packets are incredible, if a little unnecessary. Again, thank you.

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